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Why Men Don't Talk

Why men don’t talk

Shocker:  Men and women see the world differently. Women don’t get why men don’t talk, and men don’t get why women don’t get that men don’t talk


Your husband returns home from a day of golf with two of his closest friends whom he hasn’t seen in a while. Between the round of play and lunch, they’ve spent about five hours together. Your man is happy but tired.

 “So, what did you guys talk about?” you ask him. “Nothing much,” he replies. “Just talked about the way we were hitting the ball and making fun of each other.”

 “Is Ron’s mother out of the hospital?” you inquire. “I don’t know,” says your husband adding, “She was in the hospital?” You shake your head and try again. “Did Steve’s daughter get into the college she wanted? She was wait-listed,” you explain. “It never came up,” says your husband. In disbelief you say, “But of course you told them about my new job, didn’t you? That’s big news.” “Actually there was never really the right time to mention it,” he replies defensively.

 “Let me understand this,” you say. “You and Ron and Steve just spent five hours together for the first time in a month, and you didn’t discuss anything that’s happening in your lives?” “We were playing golf,” he answers.

It’s very difficult for women to understand why men don’t talk—because we love to talk. If two women who meet for the first time spend as little as an hour together, they will know every important detail of each other’s life. They may never see each other again, but they will have learned as much information in that hour as people who know them for decades. Women are sharers; we share through our words.

Men are sharers, too. The difference is that men share experiences; they share through action—not words. So if women need men to tell them how they feel and what they think, and men don’t like this verbal interaction, how do we reconcile these relationships?

We learn each other’s language so that we can translate in both directions. For example, if the man in your life voluntarily brings you a cup of coffee in bed you need to translate that action into the words, “I love you.” On the other hand, if you want to discuss an important matter with your husband, suggest you take a walk together or a drive to a destination that interests him. Then don’t start talking until he’s in a relaxed mood.

Women and men can co-exist happily in a relationship—as long as they learn to be bilingual.

*For ideas to help you communicate with your significant other, check our Unvelope “How Sexy” cards.